Curse you,

I'm not sure whether I am being retention or I just get scared easily. 

I only do mistakes once in a life time, and I later will never cross my mind to ever do it again. It's a once in a blue moon kinda thing. The pain frightens me. For example ice skating. It was a massive mistake and I crossed my heart to never ever go ice skating anymore. It was somehow my first and last trip. I eventually fell and hurt my back pretty bad, thus since that very day, I've boycotted all ice rings I come across. 

So, I had trouble sleeping last night, did a lot of things to kill time but I was finally defeated by my own curiosity, cheers. I happen to stalk my past lover and I got devastated and I went texting him at 6 am in the morning asking him why he left me. Frankly speaking, it was the most fucked up act I've ever done. Bravo, El. Girls, listen don't be a bitch like me. Stop asking for answers, but I'm only curious and I need closures. 

He haven't reply to it, but I honestly don't think I can handle the truth. I am a fragile hoe. I'm just tired because I'm surrounded with couples, everywhere. My housemates are happy with their partners, my friends are dating and flirting in front of my face, while I am nothing but a vengeance person to my past. I can't be with any guy? Indeed, I'm friends with lads, however, whenever a guy tries to woo me, I will definitely get infuriated and dismissing that particular person as soon as possible..

Leave alone the pickup line and the compliments they shower me, I will immediately push them away and lost interest with their words. Deep inside, I was raging, I'm pissed, upset and disappointed. I felt like crying too at times but by throwing sarcasms to others, I get elated and basically forgot about the whole despairing memory I have inside. It kills, it hurts, it's an agony.. rebounding. I hate myself for this.